Sorry I haven't written sooner, but since the election, things have been really busy. What with the new books coming out, comic conventions and blog writing, old Wiley's been busier than a three tailed cat in a rocking chair factory. The books and blogs don't write themselves you know. Anyhow, after the Kathy Griffin thing, I thought you could use a few words of encouragement.
Many comedians these days aren't all that funny. If unable to shout the "f" word, dress in too tight leather or talk about perverted sex, many comedians would be out of work, because they can't actually tell a good funny joke. Don't sweat the sick antics of a hack like Kathy Griffin. She's losing a lot of gigs as a result of the poison she spews. Maybe, when she's out of work you could give her a job in one of your hotels as an act of charity. After all, someone needs to clean the toilets.
I'm sorry the immigration ban keeps getting blocked by those liberal jerks, I mean, judges. Have you thought about banning all immigration for a year or two? That would give the left something to think
about besides being obstructionist. Hey, a complete ban would be perfectly legal because it stops everyone equally. I'm sure exceptions could be made based on merit. Seriously though, American
doesn't need to import any more deadbeats. We have an over abundance of the homegrown variety
Now I don't like to ask for favors as I usually expect people to just give me what I want without
asking, but in your case, being President and all, I'll make an exception. You see, sir, like many of the
millions of gun owners who voted you into office, I expect some legislation to allow me to enjoy my
hobby without going to prison. I'm currently sixty years old and I enjoy collecting knives. Could you
please get rid of the Federal Switchblade Act of 1959? You can buy switchblades all over Tennessee legally. Why shouldn't I be able to order them from anywhere around the world? There's no reason to prohibit the mailing of switchblades across state lines, either, because some congressman wet his pants at Rebel Without A Cause. A switchblade won't cut you any worse than a butcher knife and no sane person wants to ban those. A nice executive order could fix that, I think. Ditto for regulating silencers
the same as firearms. Why should I pay out hundreds of dollars extra in special taxes for something I could easily make myself if it were legal to do so? Saving my hearing and keeping the neighbors happy
would be great benefits. Besides, if the neighbors were happier, they might start voting Republican.
You never know. It's also stupid that I can buy a rifle with a short barrel and own it legally, but can't
put a short barrel on a gun I already own without paying an extra fee. As Hillary Clinton often said, "What difference does it make?" Get those executive orders rolling as soon as possible, please.
Tell Melania and the kids "hello" for me. My family and I are looking forward to helping you get
reelected in 2020. I hope to see the border wall in place before then.