When President Donald Trump announced he wanted to set the minimum age to purchase a semiautomatic rifle to age twenty-one, I was shocked. After all, most states, other than Delaware and Nebraska, last I heard, consider age 18 to be the age of majority. Imagine, the constitutional right of millions of Americans could be wiped away with the signing of yet another feel good law. Who knew problems could be erased so easily? While we're at it, here's a few more problems to add to the list.
Teenage drunk driving was a problem before there were cars. Rumor has it Little Joe Cartwright would get stinking drunk after a big night on the town, driving Cochise off the trail on the way back to the Ponderosa. For that matter, some stoned stone age kid probably ran the family boulder into the cave after a night of drinking swamp water with his hoodlum friends. There are far more deaths from booze than from school shootings. Luckily,we can end the madness now with a new law. That's right, no alcohol until you're twenty-one kiddies. Just keep reading, it gets better.
Nothing is as dangerous as sex. Sex can kill you in lots of different ways, from wrecking the car while young Betty does her favorite move on you, to dying from a venereal disease young Betty gave you while doing her favorite move on you. Let's just make sex illegal for everyone until the age of twenty-one. Billie Bob (17) will thing twice about banging Mary Lou (16) if he knows both he and she are heading to prison if they get caught. Think of it, juvenile pregnancies eliminated just like that! Deadly STDs will be reduced nationwide! Look at all the taxpayer money we could be saving!
Speaking of sex, you know, the whole fifty shades of homosexual thing is a real problem for young millennials. Are you LGBT, pedophile or dog humper? (If you're not a straight male or a straight female, then you're definitely a pervert.) Anyway, it has come into fashion to take drugs to prevent onset of puberty and to allow one gender to pretend to be another. Teenagers are way too emotional to be trusted with whacking off their weenies or plugging their vajayjays. Such decisions have lifelong consequences. It's better to wait a few years than to make a mistake. Now hear this: You must be twenty-one to have any sex change drugs or surgery. Yea! Problem solved. Too many perverts, posing as Moms and Dads, have the option of messing up their kids. This way, the kids can decide for themselves, at twenty-one.
See? Almost all of America's problems can be solved by writing new laws. That's sarcasm, folks.
New gun laws do not prevent crimes. They only make life harder for the folks who were doing the right thing already. Like slapping the good kid to make the bad kid behave, it doesn't work.
The really sad part about the school shooting problem is that it can be pretty much fixed quickly and easily. Give schools the same protection that Congress and Hollywood stars use for themselves: well trained armed guards. It is possible to have armed, highly trained professionals in every school in America almost overnight, via immediate use of volunteers, the military, the police, and the National Guard. It is time for political posturing to end. Call out the troops.